Alone....

Just heard a bad news today. It's devastating and disheartening. It's a sad story to tell about two breathing beings who found each other as "buddies".

It took weeks since my humble beginning, before I noticed her. I thought at first she's a he with her hairy look and vivid black color. Well, you can never tell if a dog is a girl unless you see her tits and for boys his balls. So, yes, she's a dog and her name sounds familiar "Lucky!", not Britney Spears.

I thought at first she's a stray like the few I noticed on that first day I had. But no, she is owned by one of my Bosses and she serves as school guard against thieves at night. I hate her at first though she has this innocent face of a pet and harmless eyes. She used to sit infront of somebody eating, like begging for some alms, with her dripping saliva. And the noise, the noise when she barks at you like a real beggar considering the fact that she's being fed everyday, 3 times a day excluding her snacks of siopao and a soft drink, is annoying. Heard it right! She eats siopao and drinks soft drinks. Maybe it's the cause of keeping on feeding her. It's maybe because of the training she had that turned to be her usual thing, a gluttony.

The noise became more annoying during our lunch time. She stays under the table or beside any of the faculties and start barking for food. Though after our informal luncheon, she is being fed by her 'mother', our boss' ex-girlfriend and this dog happened to be their pet, but they are in good terms as friends now well, that's another story to tell. And take note, she eats what we eat.

She was actually pregnant that time when I started, so she was being taken care and really given that attention by her so-called adoptive parents. Though she was pregnant, she showed up her being playful, though dogs are not that concern like humans. That was the time I started to like her.

Then the liking got deeper during that moment when I was down. I had this scene in my life when I was misunderstood by some of the faculties with my being witty and maybe being me. All throughout from the beginning, I was trying to please them and adjust on each attitude. Glad to meet these two persons who could get along and ride on with my laughs. I thought I could gain goodness after showing goodness. But it's not true at all especially when those persons are not that sensitive enough. What hurts most is when you are learning to trust them then it suddenly fails.

So it took me almost 3 weeks to contemplate and reflect. I quit making laughs with the two of them. I had my adjustment worked out. I know I made it very obvious through my gestures and mood of being 'cold' towards them but I can't help as I was on the verge of changing what I used to. During those days, I went home alone since they went earlier than me. The bad thing is the road is a bit dark and me being a stranger, felt a bit of fear. Then here comes my night and shining queen. She already had her labor weeks ago and she actually used to go with our group in going home. So it's her and me together in the dark and she serves as my guard.

Consistently, we had our nights together while I was on my reflection moments. I realized then why would I expect something from them. If they can't be good to me so be it. Like her, she never expected something from me in going with me knowing, through her sense of smell, that I don't have any food or alms for her. Or maybe she had this sense to appreciate my kindness towards her since that day I started to like her and started feeding her during my dishwashing schedule and give a little on my snack time. I even played with her when I'm totally bored and missed my place back home. She became my refuge including her little baby boy, the only puppy left after being distributed.

3oth of September, the day after my birthday, classes started back after having that day of my birthday as rest day after a school event that night was held. I saw her sitting on the front door with her tongue. After my class, I even played with her and her little puppy never thought that that was my last moment with her.

Same day that night, I was the last person left since the lab attendant was absent and I have to replace. I was looking for Lucky after I locked the doors but she was nowhere to find so I thought she went down with her adoptive father. So I walked alone and good thing, new bulbs lighted the road. And while walking, I saw a dog being toast in fire by some neighborhood. And just today, I knew that Lucky was hit by a motorcycle which made me realized it's her, that dog being toasted.

Starting tonight, I'll be walking alone. But I know, she'll continue to be with me. Same day that night, my roommate had transferred and it's only me left alone. These events just proved that it always comes in three; my birthday celebration away from home, the death of Lucky and my roommate's transfer. A test of time again. I won't make myself alone this time.

It Was My Birthday!!!!

September 29, 2008....

tEaCHing 104: My Other Related Tasks....

Being a Teacher is perceived to be somebody inside the classroom doing some talking, discussing, explaining, giving quiz both written and oral, asking for ideas and for projects, and computing grades. You might consider teaching as an easy and simple profession as you'll only be echoing the knowledge you have had after spending years of being taught by your teachers. Though the learning process continues as you have to get updates and scrutinize your field for further interrogation your students would start up, as long as the basic knowledge are intacked, you still can handle it.

Same thought that I had before grabbing this job. All I was thinking was I'll be doing those and only those that made me even consider looking for part-time while being a full-time. It was never in my head to do beyond the title "Teacher".

Task #1: Class Adviser. I was on my second week when I was told to replace an advisory. Being new, to refuse was never on my agenda. As much as possible I have to say 'YES' and show my competence and flexibility to handle tasks. It's one way to show that I'm here to work and work every work. Good thing also about it, being a freshy, I was assigned to freshies as well, the Freshmen of Computer Science.
My advising task was like fatherly. I have to make sure to guide my students in every school activities from the announcement to venue and to checking of attendance. I must be there to check on them from time to time and watch over them. But I prefer to consider it as "Brotherly".

Task #2: Internet Attendant Administrator. A week after also, the Laboratories' keys were given to me since I have my classes scheduled in the morning at 7, the earliest among, everyday. So since I have the keys, I'm responsible as well in closing the labs at 9pm.
One month after, the school had decided to look for Internet Attendants and had hired after days of rendering my free service. Now instead of doing the job of assisting students inside the Internet Lab and looking for their names to record and deduct the allotted 20hours they have paid, I'm doing the assisting of these 3 attendants, checking on them if they are working, let them log in on their 'Log Notebook' and sum up their daily hour for their allowance every 15th of the month. And talking about helping,as in big H E L P!!!, when there's no attendant, I do the attending. What a Heck!

Task #3: Dishwasher. The school offers a free rice consumption for the Teachers and staff. We gather every lunch time where each pays for the vian and a pair is assigned to cook and prepare. Since I have no pair and the schedule is occupied from Monday to Saturday, I was assigned to do the washing of dishes from Monday to Wednesday. Though it was a kind of unfair since I work three times a week, and part of washing is fetching a pail of water, still have to do as being agreed. Pew!!!!

Task #4: The Secretary. When one of our co-teacher got her 'item', a position in a teaching job for an Education graduate, her other related task which is being a Secretary of BAC, Bids and Awards Committee, became vacant. I wonder why the position was given to me, but well, it was given to me. So what I do as the Secretary is to collect the canvass and do the honor of awarding the winner of the bids, or the cheapest price among the suppliers. Then, I write a summary of it and have it signed by the members of the committee. Good thing, I have a readable handwriting.

Task #5: Others. To be specific, it concerns school activities and events. One that recently happened is the Acquaintance Party where I was assigned to Restoration Committee. It concerns on the cleaning of the venue and keeping of the school properties after the program. Good thing my students were cooperative or they just don't have the option.

These tasks may sound ordinary and tiring. But despite, they are helping me, testing my ability, improving my skills and my competency and building me as an Employee and a Teacher!!!

Good Luck!!

tHe enCounTeR....

Around 10:00 pm, I was having my reading of an old book entitled "In the Presence of my Enemies" which is about true events that happened during the captivity of the American Missionary Couple, the Burnhams, last 2001 by the MILF in the Philippines. I was outside our boarding house room, an area passing the hallway, centered between the kitchen and the salas.I was about to end a chapter when a knock on the door sounded. It's them, two lady boarders (Van and K), so I jump of my seat and open it.

Right then, they got inside their room on the right side of our ( me and a co-teacher) room. I continued reading when Van got out from her room and looked for M, another boarder in our left side.

"Is M inside?", she asked on her natural voice.

"Yeah, but she's already asleep." I responded with eyes still on every text i'm reading.

After hearing so, she sat beside me and start a talk.

"You know what sir, we are the over-all champion!" she boasted the result of their sport feast.

I noticed then that something smells from her mouth and I know what it is.

"You smell bad and it's a hard type.", I asked with my eyes still on my book.

"Of course not!", she refused and kept it on until she admitted it then. She then started the story.

She and K, who happened to be a cousin of her father, went to a party of K's friend. They had their dinner there and later on shared a glass for a hard wine. As the result of their casual drinking, as always, the effect came after more to K than her to the point of asking who she is. It's their victory party so they proceeded to the venue to enjoy the night specially the dancing. But then K decided to go home bringing her that made her a little disappointed cause the dancing has started yet and she was supposed to dance with her crush as being invited while being on the party. Knowing that she is leaving, her crush also left.
So they rode a tricycle going home. K had vomitted inside so she had the driver accompanied the route as well as K's walking when they arrived.

I was laughing-out-loud in silent, with only mouth wide opened, since the others are already asleep. These two girls and the others were been close to me since my very day in the house and I really can't help myself laughing on them.

"With only 4 shots? While I have 10 and I'm still okay!",she bragged with her middle finger pointed to the room where K is sleeping with the facial expression.
The other two girls in the other room were awaken from their half-sleep by the little noise we had. The door opened and Yam joined us while Kot peered on us through an open topmost wall from her upper deck. After another short interrogation, Van got inside towards M on the other upper deck and forcely woke her. And we are gathered in their room.

She started back the story with a special message for M from a guy who likes her. Noticing her way of talking, like of a real drunk man, we were laughing in silence while she kept it on.

"Damn her, now I can't dance with my crush. Yawa! Peste!" she was complaining with K's decision and she couldn't do anything but to follow her being an older.

"You little kid, you go on to sleep. You are still young. Sleep now!", she reprimanded Yam, who looks like a little girl with her height, but is of same age to her. And we started again laughing.

"Sssshhhhttt! Lower your voice. Aunt Ora ( a boarder on the adjacent room with her family ) might awake.", she continued like our big boss. "Please don;t tell Manoy Marvin (another older cousin on her mother side) about me got drunk", begging us to keep her safe from harsh words.

Then she started naming names of some elders like mother of this and father of that. She then started pointing us on a mocking voice.

"You! You are a teacher of .......Get out!", she commanded me like a School Head as she was trying to discriminate me from the group. Playing around with her I said yes. But she pulled me back in and locked the door. "You all sleep! Damn you! Nobody will get outside.", now acting like our mother she pushed off the light.

The other 3 ladies were still smiling, instead of outburst laugh, while following her order. Yam, who seemed afraid, climbed up to Kot's deck while me under them sitting instead of laying. They still can't stop laughing so she ordered us again to sleep. She noticed that I was sitting and wonder why. She ordered me again to lay down and tried to pull my feet. But I refused convincing her that I can handle. So she let me while she was occupying Yam's deck under M's, laying.
She continued on yelling bad words while we were observing her. Of course I know she's not totally out of her mind due to alcohol. I'm aware about it so my plan was to just let her and follow her orders till she gets sleep, totally sleeping.

"Whose house is this? Where is your bathroom? I want to vomit." she asked.
As being planned, I played with her by answering. One answered the owner of the house, who happened to be her cousin. But she can't remember who she is. She was also complaining about the window having grilled where she threw some spits.
Kot's was trying to open the door to pee when she was stopped by her. I don't know if Kot was tense, but I still noticed her laughing while sitting beside me now. Yam also decided to sit with me, so I was sandwiched. She then saw M not laying and ordered her. But M didn't follow so she asked for a bolo. Since there's no bolo around, she picked an umbrella and used it to strike M. M hurrily got down before she'll be hit making us four on the lower deck.

She continued her murmurs then she raised another question. "Where's your TV? Let's watch. It's too quiet in here.". And I said it's in the outside though the house has no TV other than owned by Te Ora upstairs.

"Electricity is not available. Power is off!", one of the girls replied.
She stand up and checked it for herself. The light outside where I had my reading is still on so she complained again. She went outside to unplug it giving us the chance to lock her out.

She did able to unplug it. Now being outside of the room, she was trying to get inside by reaching the lock through a doorwall big hole. I was then stopping her hand with Kot's hands on the lock.

She attempted many times and stopped. She then have her face on the hole talking to us. She was yelling on me like forgetting who I am, ( older than her). And I was somehow a little furious and was pointing her. I started to threaten her to pinch her with umbrella's point or punch her face from that hole. I admit, I felt a little fear after that attempt she had to strike M. She's dangerous now.

But though we are of little fear, we were still laughing her. We really can't believe what she's been doing. She was laying infront of the door but still awake. "You won't open the door, then let's see. I'll tear this book here!", she threatened us again which was effective to my part cause the book isn't mine, the book that I was reading.

Then Yam started to call Te Ora's husband since she has gone to fetch her daughter working in a cafe. When she heard, she hurrily went back to her room.
We were laughing all through and we really can't help it. That scene was stranged and they were saying she was like her cousing when get drunk. I decided then to go to sleep but still thinking about it.

"If she was unconscious, I will talk to her tomorrow and advise her.", I though to myself.

Next day came, I was having my laundry outside when I heard Van saying that she made it, playing around. And that made me real mad.

She called on me when she got outside but I decline to see her. I hate her somehow for what she did. Really can't help myself to get mad on her after knowing it was all gimmick.

How could she? Without even considering my being elder. That was a real insult. The girls knew it then. But though, they felt fine. Why would I not get the sensitivity? Simply because I got worried that night for the girls, feared for them. And what worsen is she did not even ask for any apology. So I keep on not talking to her till this time. Maybe when I can recover.
Well, she really has the talent. She almost got me to my nerve.

tEaCHinG 103: tHe eVeNt....tHe tALks....

Busy...Busy...Busy....Truly I was, causing my posting more delays from the very moment I could think of something interesting and could decide of writing for updates on a daily basis. So what were the events???

It's been week when i had my comeback back home after the phobia-like effect caused by the rebels after that controversial MOA. The fear was to take the ride to a bus and the rebel would attack or bomb it considering the history of attack that happened in here. Thank god I got home safe and unharmed.

Another cause of delay was the school event that was held, the Acquaintance Party. Special? I would say it was considering me as a newbie in the vicinity. Excitement? Yes I had somehow afterall it was not only student socialization. It includes as teachers, specially us singles. lol. To add to that was our number, our presentation. Yup! I "Step Up" and "Take the Lead" on the Dance floor. I remember the last time I did it was during my last year on College on our Intramural. I really love dancing ever since specially pop or hiphop since I used to dance folk type before...eewww!!!...joke!!..Of course folk dances are classical and it's for the love of the country.

So, I definitely had my best and promise to dance more. I remember how I cheered my teachers before everytime they are to perform on stage. And that was a bit weird cause my students were excited for me. Why is it like that?

After the program was a dance for all, though not a party-like one. I'm not actually used to dancing under the shimmering and glimmering lights. Never had tried it for once in a bar or in a barrio fiesta during May so that was my very first. My dance was with the group of us teachers and there were times with some students. And that was it, I dance with some lights overhead.

Going back to my comeback back home, that was month after I had it, a news, as it is always, surprised me. My 17 year old cousin is getting married. Would you believe that? I was totally shocked. I wasn't able to talk to her as she kept on avoiding so I left it to the elders. She actually lived with my grandparents that also caused a crack to my heart. How can she get into such decision without considering them, her very parents after the death of her mother and having her stepmother. Nevertheless, still hope she'll change her mind.

With regard to talks,,,hmmm...there's a lot of topic to tackle actually. But I'm busy again, so i'll have it this short.

coNQuer dOuBT.....

I got caught by this post of a friend....Each line strikes that truly can touch you...I don't know how you would assess it but for me, it would be a big help....

Here's a little something that I hope will help you in your daily activities or simply when you face life on a daily basis!

Conquer doubt

Are your doubts holding you back? The way to conquer your doubts is with action.

Wondering about whether you can do it will not get it done. The only way to know for sure is to jump right in and get started.

Avoiding the challenges will only make those challenges grow bigger. Instead, walk right up to each challenge, and the closer you get, the more ways you'll discover to get beyond it.

If you wait until conditions are perfect, all you'll ever do is wait. Great accomplishments are given birth by starting from where you are with what you have.

As soon as you start to take action, you'll begin to replace your doubts with courage and confidence. The more you do, the more insignificant and powerless those doubts will become.

Stop wondering and start doing. Once you've done it you'll always know, without the slightest doubt that you can.
-- Ralph Marston

tEaCHinG102: gRacE - uNDeR - pReSSurE

Pressure is the exact word to describe what I felt for the passed days. Aside from the pressure my career really takes me everyday, the current event truly affects me considering where I am right now, so away from home. The current event specifically the Bangsamoro issue that resulted to a merciless attack by the rebels in Kulambogan, Lanao del Norte shook me knowing my sister is in Marawi, Lanao del Norte for her schooling. And thank God she’s safe. But still the news was disturbing considering it’s devastation that caused 41 deaths with most number are of the defenseless civilians.

It is the Headline and people in the nearby towns are in distress. Though the situation is under control still everyone is going to panic. Humor, which I hope will just be, that the next targets include Pagadian, a city next to our town. It makes me truly worried for my families back home. What if they would decide to do so? I can’t afford to imagine it.

And what are the other spots? As they say, history repeats itself which I hope will miss. One of the reasons why I hesitated to come and accept the job was the devastation that happened here. Ipil has the History of such attack that marked in every memory of every Ipiliños. Way back then, the town was surprised by the flying bullets while establishments were burned into ashes. Every single breathing entity was troubled trying to escape the bullets heading to them. And that was noted as the “IPIL MASSACRE”. Citizens here are truly alarmed and are vigilant including me.

But going back to my title to relate it to its content, the “Test of Time” of this career initiated another test just the other day while we were having our Midterm Exam. I was in our office preparing my test papers when 3 of my students rushed inside. One of the three was hurt with blood flowing from her head. One student reported that she was hit by a stone from the other classroom. Being her adviser, I hurriedly call for a ride with my very instinct to bring her to the nearest clinic for wound-dressing and for a medicine.

But the Barangay Clinic was already closed so I asked the driver for another nearest one. But instead of a clinic, he brought us to a private hospital. Worried? Definitely, I was. Good thing somebody from the office called me and asked if I have any penny and I said “None”, even a single penny to pay our fare. I have to stick to my plan, wound-dressing and medicine only to lessen the bill. But the strange Doctor insisted to stitch the little wound on the lady’s head.

I waited for somebody from the office to come for the financial aid. But nobody, in hurry, came so I decided to go back to my place and get a part of my savings for the bill. When I arrived, still nobody from the office was there. The very short operation of stitching was over and the bill was ready. I took it and got me surprised. My money wasn’t enough that made me hurry again to go back to my place and still expecting for some help to come.

The School Guard arrived with his motorbike when I stepped outside. He was talking to me and interrogated me about the girl. It seemed he had brought no single penny with him from the office, so I asked him to bring me to my place.

I paid the bill and came back to school, still hoping for the amount intended. But I was disappointed when I was advised to keep the OR for refund.

The sad thing about it is that that money was intended for my brother, to be used in going to Cagayan de Oro, and for my Grandmother, to pay my debt. How much did it cost me? Php 1,859.50.

But it did not end there. It was just last night when I opened up to my board mates/officemates about how I got disappointed. And good thing this good friend/board mate/officemate had opened with what people in the office discussed about what I’ve done while I was away. According to them, I must have not brought the girl in the hospital that gave me the hint that they were making fun of me, with laughs, with how I reacted on the very scene. Well, I admit I got my adrenaline a little heightened, but only for the common good. And one thing, she is an advisee and it happened on my exam schedule. Will the simple cleaning of water or alcohol guarantee her safety?

They have their thoughts but disagreeable. Or maybe I’m just reacting this much. Nevertheless, I never regretted what I’ve done and of course, the amount I’ve spent. I was able to find an amount for my brother and decided to pay my grandma next time.

Grace under pressure, well, I am sure I have it till this time. Don’t let them see that you are pressured or they’ll take it as your weakness.

Yesterday It Was....

Yesterday was a day to reflect. It was my comeback after a long month of absence. It was the day I fulfilled my own promise, a promise to someone great and powerful. A promise considered to be a great sin if being failed considering the person intended to. And one thing, he's not an ordinary person, HE is ALMIGHTY!

No more question to ask. Yesterday is Sunday and it's the Sabbath day for every Christian who believes it is including me. It's been months when I prevent, or we can use avoid, myself in attending Holy Sunday Mass. I remember the last time I attended one was the special Mass for New Year (so devil I was!).

The reasons behind? One is my Job Schedule. My previous job schedule was 6 days a week, 8 to 5. My girl office mate requested to have Sunday her day off which I considered. I can actually make it since First Mass Schedule is 6 to 7:30 am but I kept on being tempted to have my eyes closed and woke at 7. Then that was the time I started keeping a promise.

Next is the dress code. I always put myself into shame in terms of dress style. I always quote my clothing in going to church though for Christ's sake it's a no requirement inside as long as it's formal and moral. But yes I realized it ever since I learned to be with God. Though I have nice looking one, one problem is the people behind you who are that quick in noticing you and talk behind your back. Though not really all to me, I hate people around who smile to each other and later, would whisper behind against each other. And this is another reason why I declined myself to be inside.

Experience wise and I know you can relate, it always makes me wonder, what are they here for? Is it just to comply one of the Ten Commandments? Yeah, they are fulfilling the command but for Christ's sake, they do still commit sin right after or even while the ceremony is going as they can't keep their evil eyes stare to others with their minds working for criticisms. It's always an issue how rich ones mingle only to their level of richness and the poor ones are for sorry. Or they would give such attention but just for awhile and just for public-figure sake. All of them are craps and that's what I'm avoiding inside, that I could be with them or one of them.

It's not really my problem anymore actually but I just can't help myself everytime I hear them. And though I failed to attend Sunday Masses, I make sure to attend Weekdays' afternoon mass specially Wednesday. But Sunday is still different considering it being Special.

Now the sermon yesterday taken from the Book of Matthew was a real thing to reflect to. It's about how God walked upon the sea and Peter, one of his apostles, tried it for himself and got drowned when his faith was shaken. Then he called for God's help. It touches me inside the fact that I too only call or remember Him for help which is a no,no. I always cherish this message in my phone saying: " Pray not because you are asking for something but pray for thanking God for every good thing He has done."

Another good thing to thank for is I had just paid off my debt which means I'm worry free now in making my budget.

Big Thanks!

tEaCHinG101: When a Woman Cries......

Today is a little sensitive for my teaching career and take note, this is going to be my first review since the day I started this one great job as they consider and I also consider as I quoted in my application, “Teaching is the best among all professions”. So how would a teacher handle a student in her teary eyes? Do I have to feel guilty for making her cry?

I always give this aura of being strict since the very day of the class to somehow give a little barrier between me as a teacher and them as students. Why such technique or a strategy per se? Experience wise, treating students that real good as buddies’ results to the worst you can never imagine. Respect can no longer exist as they’ll learn to treat you as an ordinary one, as their buddy. They’ll find it as your weakness I would say.

But my strictness is not that harsh. I mean not what we perceive as the “Terror with Horror and Witchy” way. I scold them for being noisy, for being inattentive or being disrespectful or with the attitude, behavior or whatsoever that is intolerable inside a classroom. But not the scold as the meaning itself, it’s just words to omit what’s unnecessary (attitude). But this only covers inside the four-walled room where I talk and they are obliged to listen. Outside, I can be the best guy to talk.

I’m a funny type of person so being strict can never be me specially treating people. I always make sure that I make other people smile, happy or laugh every time I share a talk. That’s why everyday is a real pressure to me cause it’s time for me to act like the hard to get guy in front of young ones whose future lies to me. But not the type of asking them to please me. Again, it’s not me. So what happened after applying such way of teaching?

Now here are two obvious criticisms. First, I’m too serious who doesn’t know how to smile. Well, a bit true for the first 3 weeks but now? Not that much. Second, I’m good with insult which I object. They find my questioning after their answer or have done answering somehow an insult. I believe it’s one way to scrutinize their very thoughts in their very brains. It’s a test of how equip they are with the knowledge I have shared or more than shared, imparted. The way I ask them to their very last drop is one way of teaching them to be certain with every word they say, to stand for it. Well, that’s how I see it as a teacher and definitely not for them as students.

Now here comes the very scene I hate to happen. The crying of a student, specially a SHE that just so happened today.

Today is the start of our group reporting after giving them topics to discuss last week. I assigned leaders and discussed what to do that day last week. And the show began with the second group after confusion occured with the scheduling due to a school event which the group leader supposed to take part. So there she was standing in front alone, no members at all doing the reading with her visual aid on the wall. It was all mere reading that really upset me. So, I asked her with gentle at all, not even any huskiness in my voice, what happened, that it seemed she, being in front alone, not prepared. Then she reasoned out that she didn’t understand what she had researched and everything about the topic. And I reasoned out that she must have asked me earlier, remembering she asked me about it just yesterday.

Then I opened up how I got dismayed with her being the leader the fact that I chose her to be one. And since the first group was also not equipped then I dismissed them all. Then there I saw her eyes in tears when she approached me and asked if she can still do the reporting. I was shocked at first and felt something deep inside. Was I the reason behind those tears? I felt a little guilt so I asked her presence in the office.

There I quickly asked why? And she just answered "it’s nothing". Then I asked her again if I’ve done bad to her then explained her everything about being the leader and her responsibility as one. Then she explained that the tears are all for her mistakes for being not that ready. And at that moment, I felt a little ease knowing that it’s not really my fault and more importantly she has learned a little lesson. I gave her then the site where she can have information for her report.

Sigh! I can never imagine myself letting a girl, a lady or a woman cry. It’s not gonna be myself again. But it just did happen today. But good thing is it’s not totally my fault. Making a woman cry is a big crime to commit that would let my world fall. It won’t happen again.

I’m still somehow trying to cope things up and trying to learn from time to time looking forward to come with the best solution. I’m a no education graduate with those subjects relating to the hows of teaching or teacher’s ways that must be applied

i'M a tEaCheR nOW!!!!!

So how is it like to be one?


When I had that decision to resign, teaching was in my very head as i had considered the no hassle process in applying. Simply means, I took it a little for granted.That was after hearing how most of my colleagues landed a teaching job that easy. Recent graduates did as well that made me think our degree is in great demand locally. That's where I got my confidence that I can easily get a teaching job to pay my remaining bank debt.

But I was a little late. The Colleges where I applied already have their new hired ones and if not, they don't need for a new one. So I was in a little commotion, bothered of what's gonna happen to me with my debt. And that came the answer from my dear mentor as he offered me a teaching job somewhere here in Ipil, Zamboanga Sibugay.

I never considered teaching to be a career maybe as part time which i have stated on my application letters. I was planning to do more on business. Maybe that was one reason they rejected me, they might prefer for a full time. And one more thing, the idea that you'll be with these young adults of different moods and attitudes, i would find it hard to adjust. And one last thing is my body figure being petite or skinny that would be more hard to convince them that i'm their teacher. But still i push through.

When i arrived, i then asked sir albert about the students. He said they're fine though there are worst ones. I am actually worried about myself to be in front of these strangers listening and somehow criticizing me on my very face. But then i thought, I'm their teacher and they can't change it. Their future lies on my hand, through the point of my pen.

My first step in the campus of WMSU-External Studies Unit of Ipil happened that 10th of June. My very reaction was quite not good. I was expecting a bigger view. The school is about 8years old and the school is still under progress. There are only two buildings and it's located in a hill. A bit quiet but the overlooking view of whole ipil can take your boredom off. I was supposed to start that day, but there's a need for me to be interviewed. So i showed up in the office of the Executive Head. The interview run smoothly and as expected, since i'm hired that urgent, there's no way for them to refuse me..lol.

My very start happened that 11th. 4 subjects were assigned to me and 3 of them are for first year which i somehow felt comfortable with. And what to expect, it's my first day so i had to get to know them through a short acquaintance. And the show began with me talking in detail everything after hearing their expectations as freshies. The other 1 subject is a programming course for the 2nd year engineering studs.

It's been a month since that day. And so far, I'm somehow getting use to it as I realize it's not an easy task. Things are to consider like making sure that they are learning, always to consider patience as a goddamn virtue and you must be that damn competent in their very face. Everyday is like being inside a cage of hunger lions ready to eat you without a chew. Pressure is always their but must not be that obvious or else they'll find it your weakness. I always show off an aura of a slight terror effect for them to have a little fear of me. And before I had my very start, I insisted to instill to them my principle that goes; "If you want to be respected, then give respect."...If you want a good grade then respect the grade maker.....

Somehow it works!!! Thank GOD!!!!

My Life For The Moment.....

So what had happened after that insomnia experience I had after giving up my job that took me this long to have an update for this blog? Now Read...

It’s been a month after I said yes to an opportunity that brought me to where I am right now. I never imagine being here as it’s not in my list of plans. Only god knows and I’ll figure out why. And here is how the story goes.

May 16, I decided to resign after an incident happened which I have posted here. I took the risk considering that I still have two months to pay for my loan. But I was confident that I can have a new one soon. So I left the office and had my applications submitted to some Colleges within the city for a teaching job.

Teaching. I never had any consideration on it to be my career knowing how is it like through my teachers before, especially college. Though I had done it before; teaching little kids once during a church event on May called Flores de Mayo, conducting tutorials on my college days and even at home for the siblings who need my help, still I consider it to be in the third or fourth list of priorities as I’m more into business or what’s heap today, the call center job. But I badly need a job that will pay me month after with no trainings required.

The thought of landing a job so fast was a mistake. Two weeks had passed, there was still no response from the Schools. The waiting was killing me as my pocket’s about to empty for my debt so I asked help from my friends through a phone announcement. A friend working in a call center in the city advised me to apply and a cousin offered me a job as a Sales Coordinator in an establishment but both I refused considering the months of training. Then that day came, my dear mentor informed me about a customer care job and a teaching job.

I got interested on the first one. More on the amount that I’ll receive, working in the said company is an advantage. The latter one was half-rejected the fact that the area where I’ll be teaching is a bit remote, which I thought it was. It’s also hanging that needs his go signal, so totally I was not up to it.

The result was negative after submitting my application though still cross-fingered to have it. June was approaching and another set of weeks to pay my weekly payment. I was totally disappointed and was losing hope. I remember how I asked God for help one night as I kept on thinking for ways to solve my financial problem. And what to expect, god answered my little prayer.

June 9 the supposed first-day of the class was declared holiday which should have happened on the 12th of June. I was at my grandma’s house enjoying my vacation-like jobless life when my phone rang. A message from my dear mentor appeared offering an urgent job-hiring as teacher somewhere in Ipil, Zamboanga Sibugay, a province in between pagadian city and zamboanga city. It’s the second job that needs his go signal which I half-rejected. I was twice thinking again that moment. “I need a job but not this one.”, I was thinki

ng. “But I need some amount as urgent as this job.”, I reconsidered. And I note his reply after I asked about the benefits,” Grab the opportunity while you are young.”

So I said yes. I was asked to come that very next day for the first day class, so I had my bag packed with a few of my dress that very night. I lent an amount from my mother and had my ride early at 2.

I heard about the place before as a not so progressive one, so I was thinking the place is a bit boring. And the road, it’s what I

feared off on my way. The path is zigzag where if not to smash on the mountain wall, you will fall like from of a cliff. And one last thing is the horrifying story that happened a long time ago, the massacre done by the rebels of Mindanao. Is the place really that safe?

Though these things disturbed me that much, I felt a little relieve knowing that a dear classmate and friend who is also a stranger of the place, is working as a teacher for a year. I’ll be meeting her that made me excited. Another thing is I’ll be working with somebody from my college na

med Albert Dadibo. I somehow remember his name but not his face.

When I arrived, the first thing I noticed was the infamous red-bee head, with big eyes and a big sweet smile. Jollibee is in Ipil that made me say the place is of progress. I was fetched by Sir Dadz and when I arrived at his boarding house, I met another guy, who is a new neighbor of mine, Mr. Ronilo Yap.

So here I am now doing a new career in my life. And my first time as a teacher? I will tell you soon….Thanks to my dear mentors Mr. Hardy Facunla and Ms. Faith Magalso-Lozada....

Welcome me IPIL……

inSomiA.....

Last night was the worst ever. I can't imagine myself lying on bed with eyes closed trying to have my rest and unveil a dream. But my head just keep on talking, yeah talking like conversing with somebody inside me. Lot of thoughts about life, future, plans and problems. I really don't know the reasons thought it's my nature. I keep on thinking things to happen the next days of my life. But though, I can still manage to sleep though it would take an hour or two. I thought before it's normal but no it's a symptom of possible chronic illness.
Insomnia is a sleep disorder where one can't find himself close his eyes or rest his mind. It is also considered as mental disorder as specifically the brain works on it. There are three types of insomnia:

1. Transient insomnia lasts from days to weeks. It can be caused by another disorder, by changes in the sleep environment, by the timing of sleep, or by stress. Its consequences - sleepiness and impaired psychomotor performance - are similar to those of sleep deprivation. If this form of insomnia continues to occur from time to time, the insomnia is classified as intermittent.
   
2. Acute insomnia is the inability to consistently sleep well for a period of between three weeks to six months.
3. Chronic insomnia lasts from months to years. It can be caused by another disorder, or it can be a primary disorder. Its effects can vary according to its causes. They might include sleepiness, muscular fatigue, and/or mental fatigue; but people with chronic insomnia often show increased alertness.

The causes of insomnia are:

• Psychoactive drugs or stimulants, including certain medications, herbs, caffeine, cocaine, ephedrine, amphetamines, methylphenidate, MDMA, methamphetamine and modafinil
• Hormone shifts such as those that precede menstruation and those during menopause
• Life problems like fear, stress, anxiety, emotional or mental tension, work problems, financial stress, unsatisfactory sex life
• Mental disorders such as clinical depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder
• Disturbances of the circadian rhythm, such as shift work and jet lag, can cause an inability to sleep at some times of the day and excessive sleepiness at other times of the day. Jet lag is seen in people who travel through multiple time zones, as the time relative to the rising and setting of the sun no longer coincides with the body's internal concept of it. The insomnia experienced by shift workers is also a circadian rhythm sleep disorder.
• Certain neurological disorders, brain lesions, or a history of traumatic brain injury
• Medical conditions such as hyperthyroidism and Wilson's syndrome
• Abuse of over-the counter or prescription sleep aids can produce rebound insomnia
• Poor sleep hygiene
• Parasomnia, which includes a number of disruptive sleep events including nightmares, sleepwalking, violent behavior while sleeping, and REM behavior disorder, in which a person moves his/her physical body in response to events within his/her dreams
• A rare genetic condition can cause a prion-based, permanent and eventually fatal form of insomnia called fatal familial insomnia

Mine was a bit not that hazard. Maybe because of stress and problems, too much problems that led to what just happened last night. I had my eyes closed at 11 but took 3 and a half hours before i had a real sleep. One thing i noticed also is when i could take a nap during day time, it occurs as well as every time i start sleeping a bit late at 10 or 11. Maybe i have to try sleeping a bit early. Wish tonight i can have a better one.

cOnfeSSion...

thursday, May 15, 2008... aT last, i spoke up! I told everything and what my soul wanna say. Everything including the heartaches and how i felt like being betrayed and fooled. I need explanations and i only got unconvincing one. I found it 'O.A.', i mean the conversation and how i opened up as i have never done such. I was the quite one as i have said but that was the day that i learned to speak up.
I felt relieved after despite the fact that i was shaking while having the talk. Ashamed? Definitely i was but i didn't bother since it was the very thing i wanna do for the last time while in the office. I don't want to end with such hard feelings that will surely keep me haunting. At least now we have the closure. I don't care about the friendship anymore as it was not given value.
friday, May 16, 2008... But there's one more thing to do to keep me at peace. I already opened to have the situation opened to our boss and so i did. I sent a text message telling what happened and possible thing to happen. I explained everything and how i myself was fooled, no knowledge at all about the crime=like event.
Afraid? I was so for her. I don;t know what will happen on their confrontation and certainly investigation. Trust can never be found in them as betrayal was done. All i wish and pray is the problem be solved and both have peace and gain that trust to each other.

bEtRayaL...

Three weeks had passed when a cold war began inside me. It keeps on haunting me for the passed days as i can't convince myself it happened. Until now, my mind is wrangling whether to accept or reject the truth and do what's right or not right but for good.
I'm a quiet type of person. I don't speak up everytime i have heartaches and problems. And with that, i can't see myself in a confrontation to initiate by me. It's actually the reason why i come up with this blog account and sad to say, I'll have my start with a a sad tale.
As i have said, it was 3 weeks before today when i discovered something not right. I wont tell name/s since i still consider the person/s part of me. We are enjoying ourselves for almost 6months together. We talk alot about life, family, dreams and experiences including the moments we had together with our friends. Though there are times we felt bored with what we are doing, we still manage to laugh in a day. And there are times we hate what we are doing, we still manage to perform our task. For 6months, i got to know more of the person/s.
Then that day came, when i noticed something suspicious. A big amount is missing. So i did the checking. I double check and triple check cause i don't want to accept the truth that an amount is being corrupted. But at the end, i found myself slowly killing by the small bite of reality.
Then thoughts signal me. Confusions and doubts fit in. Was all part of the game? A brilliant deception where i got caught and trapped?Was everything fake and was i not treated more than a somebody?The questions keep rattling inside and i can;t help myself.
I can't make my move that took me 2 weeks to ask. I waited as i considered that it might be replaced and paid on our pay-day but it was not. I was then furious but still managed to calm myself. i became more quiet and was trying to show my anger. But i was neglected. So i raised my questions and announced my resignation. But it seems nothing, with no clear answer at all.
The third week, i continue to be quiet and furious deep inside. I can't continue to be this way. I'm killing myself for a possible heart problem or mental break down. So i asked a good friend an advise what to do just last Friday. And what to expect, i was advised to speak up to peel off the pain and everything. And i said i will.
I am supposed to do it today but the person/s did not come. So I'll have it tomorrow to ease up the burden in me and clear things up before i leave. Goodluck!

Lesson: "Never give your full trust to persons you don't know and more to whom you know as they know u and how to betray you in silence. "

"Nevertheless, learn how to trust and you, given that trust, should value it."

Welcome!!

Mabuhay!
This blog is intended for my personal issues, no business talk at all. Well, i'll be a little open, not totally, so definitely not that naked as being advised from a blog i've read. I'll be talking in here life with no pretense and speak out my thoughts about things. so help me welcoming you all in this little world of my own for everyone.
So long!