Yesterday It Was....

Yesterday was a day to reflect. It was my comeback after a long month of absence. It was the day I fulfilled my own promise, a promise to someone great and powerful. A promise considered to be a great sin if being failed considering the person intended to. And one thing, he's not an ordinary person, HE is ALMIGHTY!

No more question to ask. Yesterday is Sunday and it's the Sabbath day for every Christian who believes it is including me. It's been months when I prevent, or we can use avoid, myself in attending Holy Sunday Mass. I remember the last time I attended one was the special Mass for New Year (so devil I was!).

The reasons behind? One is my Job Schedule. My previous job schedule was 6 days a week, 8 to 5. My girl office mate requested to have Sunday her day off which I considered. I can actually make it since First Mass Schedule is 6 to 7:30 am but I kept on being tempted to have my eyes closed and woke at 7. Then that was the time I started keeping a promise.

Next is the dress code. I always put myself into shame in terms of dress style. I always quote my clothing in going to church though for Christ's sake it's a no requirement inside as long as it's formal and moral. But yes I realized it ever since I learned to be with God. Though I have nice looking one, one problem is the people behind you who are that quick in noticing you and talk behind your back. Though not really all to me, I hate people around who smile to each other and later, would whisper behind against each other. And this is another reason why I declined myself to be inside.

Experience wise and I know you can relate, it always makes me wonder, what are they here for? Is it just to comply one of the Ten Commandments? Yeah, they are fulfilling the command but for Christ's sake, they do still commit sin right after or even while the ceremony is going as they can't keep their evil eyes stare to others with their minds working for criticisms. It's always an issue how rich ones mingle only to their level of richness and the poor ones are for sorry. Or they would give such attention but just for awhile and just for public-figure sake. All of them are craps and that's what I'm avoiding inside, that I could be with them or one of them.

It's not really my problem anymore actually but I just can't help myself everytime I hear them. And though I failed to attend Sunday Masses, I make sure to attend Weekdays' afternoon mass specially Wednesday. But Sunday is still different considering it being Special.

Now the sermon yesterday taken from the Book of Matthew was a real thing to reflect to. It's about how God walked upon the sea and Peter, one of his apostles, tried it for himself and got drowned when his faith was shaken. Then he called for God's help. It touches me inside the fact that I too only call or remember Him for help which is a no,no. I always cherish this message in my phone saying: " Pray not because you are asking for something but pray for thanking God for every good thing He has done."

Another good thing to thank for is I had just paid off my debt which means I'm worry free now in making my budget.

Big Thanks!

tEaCHinG101: When a Woman Cries......

Today is a little sensitive for my teaching career and take note, this is going to be my first review since the day I started this one great job as they consider and I also consider as I quoted in my application, “Teaching is the best among all professions”. So how would a teacher handle a student in her teary eyes? Do I have to feel guilty for making her cry?

I always give this aura of being strict since the very day of the class to somehow give a little barrier between me as a teacher and them as students. Why such technique or a strategy per se? Experience wise, treating students that real good as buddies’ results to the worst you can never imagine. Respect can no longer exist as they’ll learn to treat you as an ordinary one, as their buddy. They’ll find it as your weakness I would say.

But my strictness is not that harsh. I mean not what we perceive as the “Terror with Horror and Witchy” way. I scold them for being noisy, for being inattentive or being disrespectful or with the attitude, behavior or whatsoever that is intolerable inside a classroom. But not the scold as the meaning itself, it’s just words to omit what’s unnecessary (attitude). But this only covers inside the four-walled room where I talk and they are obliged to listen. Outside, I can be the best guy to talk.

I’m a funny type of person so being strict can never be me specially treating people. I always make sure that I make other people smile, happy or laugh every time I share a talk. That’s why everyday is a real pressure to me cause it’s time for me to act like the hard to get guy in front of young ones whose future lies to me. But not the type of asking them to please me. Again, it’s not me. So what happened after applying such way of teaching?

Now here are two obvious criticisms. First, I’m too serious who doesn’t know how to smile. Well, a bit true for the first 3 weeks but now? Not that much. Second, I’m good with insult which I object. They find my questioning after their answer or have done answering somehow an insult. I believe it’s one way to scrutinize their very thoughts in their very brains. It’s a test of how equip they are with the knowledge I have shared or more than shared, imparted. The way I ask them to their very last drop is one way of teaching them to be certain with every word they say, to stand for it. Well, that’s how I see it as a teacher and definitely not for them as students.

Now here comes the very scene I hate to happen. The crying of a student, specially a SHE that just so happened today.

Today is the start of our group reporting after giving them topics to discuss last week. I assigned leaders and discussed what to do that day last week. And the show began with the second group after confusion occured with the scheduling due to a school event which the group leader supposed to take part. So there she was standing in front alone, no members at all doing the reading with her visual aid on the wall. It was all mere reading that really upset me. So, I asked her with gentle at all, not even any huskiness in my voice, what happened, that it seemed she, being in front alone, not prepared. Then she reasoned out that she didn’t understand what she had researched and everything about the topic. And I reasoned out that she must have asked me earlier, remembering she asked me about it just yesterday.

Then I opened up how I got dismayed with her being the leader the fact that I chose her to be one. And since the first group was also not equipped then I dismissed them all. Then there I saw her eyes in tears when she approached me and asked if she can still do the reporting. I was shocked at first and felt something deep inside. Was I the reason behind those tears? I felt a little guilt so I asked her presence in the office.

There I quickly asked why? And she just answered "it’s nothing". Then I asked her again if I’ve done bad to her then explained her everything about being the leader and her responsibility as one. Then she explained that the tears are all for her mistakes for being not that ready. And at that moment, I felt a little ease knowing that it’s not really my fault and more importantly she has learned a little lesson. I gave her then the site where she can have information for her report.

Sigh! I can never imagine myself letting a girl, a lady or a woman cry. It’s not gonna be myself again. But it just did happen today. But good thing is it’s not totally my fault. Making a woman cry is a big crime to commit that would let my world fall. It won’t happen again.

I’m still somehow trying to cope things up and trying to learn from time to time looking forward to come with the best solution. I’m a no education graduate with those subjects relating to the hows of teaching or teacher’s ways that must be applied

i'M a tEaCheR nOW!!!!!

So how is it like to be one?


When I had that decision to resign, teaching was in my very head as i had considered the no hassle process in applying. Simply means, I took it a little for granted.That was after hearing how most of my colleagues landed a teaching job that easy. Recent graduates did as well that made me think our degree is in great demand locally. That's where I got my confidence that I can easily get a teaching job to pay my remaining bank debt.

But I was a little late. The Colleges where I applied already have their new hired ones and if not, they don't need for a new one. So I was in a little commotion, bothered of what's gonna happen to me with my debt. And that came the answer from my dear mentor as he offered me a teaching job somewhere here in Ipil, Zamboanga Sibugay.

I never considered teaching to be a career maybe as part time which i have stated on my application letters. I was planning to do more on business. Maybe that was one reason they rejected me, they might prefer for a full time. And one more thing, the idea that you'll be with these young adults of different moods and attitudes, i would find it hard to adjust. And one last thing is my body figure being petite or skinny that would be more hard to convince them that i'm their teacher. But still i push through.

When i arrived, i then asked sir albert about the students. He said they're fine though there are worst ones. I am actually worried about myself to be in front of these strangers listening and somehow criticizing me on my very face. But then i thought, I'm their teacher and they can't change it. Their future lies on my hand, through the point of my pen.

My first step in the campus of WMSU-External Studies Unit of Ipil happened that 10th of June. My very reaction was quite not good. I was expecting a bigger view. The school is about 8years old and the school is still under progress. There are only two buildings and it's located in a hill. A bit quiet but the overlooking view of whole ipil can take your boredom off. I was supposed to start that day, but there's a need for me to be interviewed. So i showed up in the office of the Executive Head. The interview run smoothly and as expected, since i'm hired that urgent, there's no way for them to refuse me..lol.

My very start happened that 11th. 4 subjects were assigned to me and 3 of them are for first year which i somehow felt comfortable with. And what to expect, it's my first day so i had to get to know them through a short acquaintance. And the show began with me talking in detail everything after hearing their expectations as freshies. The other 1 subject is a programming course for the 2nd year engineering studs.

It's been a month since that day. And so far, I'm somehow getting use to it as I realize it's not an easy task. Things are to consider like making sure that they are learning, always to consider patience as a goddamn virtue and you must be that damn competent in their very face. Everyday is like being inside a cage of hunger lions ready to eat you without a chew. Pressure is always their but must not be that obvious or else they'll find it your weakness. I always show off an aura of a slight terror effect for them to have a little fear of me. And before I had my very start, I insisted to instill to them my principle that goes; "If you want to be respected, then give respect."...If you want a good grade then respect the grade maker.....

Somehow it works!!! Thank GOD!!!!

My Life For The Moment.....

So what had happened after that insomnia experience I had after giving up my job that took me this long to have an update for this blog? Now Read...

It’s been a month after I said yes to an opportunity that brought me to where I am right now. I never imagine being here as it’s not in my list of plans. Only god knows and I’ll figure out why. And here is how the story goes.

May 16, I decided to resign after an incident happened which I have posted here. I took the risk considering that I still have two months to pay for my loan. But I was confident that I can have a new one soon. So I left the office and had my applications submitted to some Colleges within the city for a teaching job.

Teaching. I never had any consideration on it to be my career knowing how is it like through my teachers before, especially college. Though I had done it before; teaching little kids once during a church event on May called Flores de Mayo, conducting tutorials on my college days and even at home for the siblings who need my help, still I consider it to be in the third or fourth list of priorities as I’m more into business or what’s heap today, the call center job. But I badly need a job that will pay me month after with no trainings required.

The thought of landing a job so fast was a mistake. Two weeks had passed, there was still no response from the Schools. The waiting was killing me as my pocket’s about to empty for my debt so I asked help from my friends through a phone announcement. A friend working in a call center in the city advised me to apply and a cousin offered me a job as a Sales Coordinator in an establishment but both I refused considering the months of training. Then that day came, my dear mentor informed me about a customer care job and a teaching job.

I got interested on the first one. More on the amount that I’ll receive, working in the said company is an advantage. The latter one was half-rejected the fact that the area where I’ll be teaching is a bit remote, which I thought it was. It’s also hanging that needs his go signal, so totally I was not up to it.

The result was negative after submitting my application though still cross-fingered to have it. June was approaching and another set of weeks to pay my weekly payment. I was totally disappointed and was losing hope. I remember how I asked God for help one night as I kept on thinking for ways to solve my financial problem. And what to expect, god answered my little prayer.

June 9 the supposed first-day of the class was declared holiday which should have happened on the 12th of June. I was at my grandma’s house enjoying my vacation-like jobless life when my phone rang. A message from my dear mentor appeared offering an urgent job-hiring as teacher somewhere in Ipil, Zamboanga Sibugay, a province in between pagadian city and zamboanga city. It’s the second job that needs his go signal which I half-rejected. I was twice thinking again that moment. “I need a job but not this one.”, I was thinki

ng. “But I need some amount as urgent as this job.”, I reconsidered. And I note his reply after I asked about the benefits,” Grab the opportunity while you are young.”

So I said yes. I was asked to come that very next day for the first day class, so I had my bag packed with a few of my dress that very night. I lent an amount from my mother and had my ride early at 2.

I heard about the place before as a not so progressive one, so I was thinking the place is a bit boring. And the road, it’s what I

feared off on my way. The path is zigzag where if not to smash on the mountain wall, you will fall like from of a cliff. And one last thing is the horrifying story that happened a long time ago, the massacre done by the rebels of Mindanao. Is the place really that safe?

Though these things disturbed me that much, I felt a little relieve knowing that a dear classmate and friend who is also a stranger of the place, is working as a teacher for a year. I’ll be meeting her that made me excited. Another thing is I’ll be working with somebody from my college na

med Albert Dadibo. I somehow remember his name but not his face.

When I arrived, the first thing I noticed was the infamous red-bee head, with big eyes and a big sweet smile. Jollibee is in Ipil that made me say the place is of progress. I was fetched by Sir Dadz and when I arrived at his boarding house, I met another guy, who is a new neighbor of mine, Mr. Ronilo Yap.

So here I am now doing a new career in my life. And my first time as a teacher? I will tell you soon….Thanks to my dear mentors Mr. Hardy Facunla and Ms. Faith Magalso-Lozada....

Welcome me IPIL……

inSomiA.....

Last night was the worst ever. I can't imagine myself lying on bed with eyes closed trying to have my rest and unveil a dream. But my head just keep on talking, yeah talking like conversing with somebody inside me. Lot of thoughts about life, future, plans and problems. I really don't know the reasons thought it's my nature. I keep on thinking things to happen the next days of my life. But though, I can still manage to sleep though it would take an hour or two. I thought before it's normal but no it's a symptom of possible chronic illness.
Insomnia is a sleep disorder where one can't find himself close his eyes or rest his mind. It is also considered as mental disorder as specifically the brain works on it. There are three types of insomnia:

1. Transient insomnia lasts from days to weeks. It can be caused by another disorder, by changes in the sleep environment, by the timing of sleep, or by stress. Its consequences - sleepiness and impaired psychomotor performance - are similar to those of sleep deprivation. If this form of insomnia continues to occur from time to time, the insomnia is classified as intermittent.
   
2. Acute insomnia is the inability to consistently sleep well for a period of between three weeks to six months.
3. Chronic insomnia lasts from months to years. It can be caused by another disorder, or it can be a primary disorder. Its effects can vary according to its causes. They might include sleepiness, muscular fatigue, and/or mental fatigue; but people with chronic insomnia often show increased alertness.

The causes of insomnia are:

• Psychoactive drugs or stimulants, including certain medications, herbs, caffeine, cocaine, ephedrine, amphetamines, methylphenidate, MDMA, methamphetamine and modafinil
• Hormone shifts such as those that precede menstruation and those during menopause
• Life problems like fear, stress, anxiety, emotional or mental tension, work problems, financial stress, unsatisfactory sex life
• Mental disorders such as clinical depression, schizophrenia, bipolar disorder, general anxiety disorder
• Disturbances of the circadian rhythm, such as shift work and jet lag, can cause an inability to sleep at some times of the day and excessive sleepiness at other times of the day. Jet lag is seen in people who travel through multiple time zones, as the time relative to the rising and setting of the sun no longer coincides with the body's internal concept of it. The insomnia experienced by shift workers is also a circadian rhythm sleep disorder.
• Certain neurological disorders, brain lesions, or a history of traumatic brain injury
• Medical conditions such as hyperthyroidism and Wilson's syndrome
• Abuse of over-the counter or prescription sleep aids can produce rebound insomnia
• Poor sleep hygiene
• Parasomnia, which includes a number of disruptive sleep events including nightmares, sleepwalking, violent behavior while sleeping, and REM behavior disorder, in which a person moves his/her physical body in response to events within his/her dreams
• A rare genetic condition can cause a prion-based, permanent and eventually fatal form of insomnia called fatal familial insomnia

Mine was a bit not that hazard. Maybe because of stress and problems, too much problems that led to what just happened last night. I had my eyes closed at 11 but took 3 and a half hours before i had a real sleep. One thing i noticed also is when i could take a nap during day time, it occurs as well as every time i start sleeping a bit late at 10 or 11. Maybe i have to try sleeping a bit early. Wish tonight i can have a better one.

cOnfeSSion...

thursday, May 15, 2008... aT last, i spoke up! I told everything and what my soul wanna say. Everything including the heartaches and how i felt like being betrayed and fooled. I need explanations and i only got unconvincing one. I found it 'O.A.', i mean the conversation and how i opened up as i have never done such. I was the quite one as i have said but that was the day that i learned to speak up.
I felt relieved after despite the fact that i was shaking while having the talk. Ashamed? Definitely i was but i didn't bother since it was the very thing i wanna do for the last time while in the office. I don't want to end with such hard feelings that will surely keep me haunting. At least now we have the closure. I don't care about the friendship anymore as it was not given value.
friday, May 16, 2008... But there's one more thing to do to keep me at peace. I already opened to have the situation opened to our boss and so i did. I sent a text message telling what happened and possible thing to happen. I explained everything and how i myself was fooled, no knowledge at all about the crime=like event.
Afraid? I was so for her. I don;t know what will happen on their confrontation and certainly investigation. Trust can never be found in them as betrayal was done. All i wish and pray is the problem be solved and both have peace and gain that trust to each other.

bEtRayaL...

Three weeks had passed when a cold war began inside me. It keeps on haunting me for the passed days as i can't convince myself it happened. Until now, my mind is wrangling whether to accept or reject the truth and do what's right or not right but for good.
I'm a quiet type of person. I don't speak up everytime i have heartaches and problems. And with that, i can't see myself in a confrontation to initiate by me. It's actually the reason why i come up with this blog account and sad to say, I'll have my start with a a sad tale.
As i have said, it was 3 weeks before today when i discovered something not right. I wont tell name/s since i still consider the person/s part of me. We are enjoying ourselves for almost 6months together. We talk alot about life, family, dreams and experiences including the moments we had together with our friends. Though there are times we felt bored with what we are doing, we still manage to laugh in a day. And there are times we hate what we are doing, we still manage to perform our task. For 6months, i got to know more of the person/s.
Then that day came, when i noticed something suspicious. A big amount is missing. So i did the checking. I double check and triple check cause i don't want to accept the truth that an amount is being corrupted. But at the end, i found myself slowly killing by the small bite of reality.
Then thoughts signal me. Confusions and doubts fit in. Was all part of the game? A brilliant deception where i got caught and trapped?Was everything fake and was i not treated more than a somebody?The questions keep rattling inside and i can;t help myself.
I can't make my move that took me 2 weeks to ask. I waited as i considered that it might be replaced and paid on our pay-day but it was not. I was then furious but still managed to calm myself. i became more quiet and was trying to show my anger. But i was neglected. So i raised my questions and announced my resignation. But it seems nothing, with no clear answer at all.
The third week, i continue to be quiet and furious deep inside. I can't continue to be this way. I'm killing myself for a possible heart problem or mental break down. So i asked a good friend an advise what to do just last Friday. And what to expect, i was advised to speak up to peel off the pain and everything. And i said i will.
I am supposed to do it today but the person/s did not come. So I'll have it tomorrow to ease up the burden in me and clear things up before i leave. Goodluck!

Lesson: "Never give your full trust to persons you don't know and more to whom you know as they know u and how to betray you in silence. "

"Nevertheless, learn how to trust and you, given that trust, should value it."